Today, I wanted to share an intimate story about the death of my grandmother-mother (more on that later) and my father during the COVID-19 Pandemic.
If you are familiar with my story, you know that my mother passed away when I was only 6 years old. My grandmother who was already in her 60s took the responsibility to raise my sister and I. That is why I call her my Grandmother-mother. She’s the mother I knew.
My grandmother had been ill all my life. She had a heart condition that I believe a feeling is from her loosing her one and only child, my mother. She would get heart palpitations every few months. The first time it happened, we thought that she was dying. Over the years, every time she gets them, she always made it on the other side. Each time she got it over the years, I intuitively knew she’d make it alright. However, this time, when I got the call I knew intuitively that she would not make it.
When Did I Learn How to Grieve? If you are grieving you should also ask yourself this question!
I learned my grieving process when my mother passed away at the age of 6. I remember the day like it was yesterday, the church was full with people. I heard a lot of crying and screaming. My sister and I were given lollipops as a distraction. I remember, I was just having fun, sucking on my lollipop.
Fast forward a few years when I became a teenager, my great-aunt whom I was very close with passed away and when everybody were crying, I was just smiling. In the height of the COVID-19 pandemic in 2020 , I lost my grandmother-mother and again, I did not cry at all. However, I did find some distractions among my distraction, I started a business selling clothing because that is something that she loved doing. She was a seamstress, she made most of my clothes growing up. She also sold fabric. Sometimes, I think that is where my love of fashion began.
10 months later, I lost my father. At first I did not cry, I got lost in work, hobbies, all sorts of distractions. For whatever reason, I decided to post about my grieving process on Instagram. This time, I did cry, writing the caption that I wrote brought tears to my eyes. The comments on Instagram brought an insight that I would not see had I not posted about it. I have been avoiding grief all of my life because the first time I had to grieve, I was given a tasty distraction. All of my life I have been avoiding grief and looking for distractions.
Do not get me wrong about crying, I do cry like all humans. I cry for joy, I cry for sadness! I am just not in the habit of crying to grieve death, whether it is the death of my old self, the death of a relation, the death of a human being, etc.
I talk about my first relationship as a catalyst to the work that I do now. When I broke up with my ex, I did not cry. The fact that I did not cry led me to relationship related content that led me to this rabbit hole of self discovery, growth and personal development. I am grateful for the woman I became as a result of those experiences.
I am also grateful to discover that it is ok to grieve. I really need to take in the fact that all of my parents are gone at the tender age of 32. That’s a huge realization at any age. I do want to take my time to fully grieve this time. A colleague recommended ” The Grief Recovery” by John W. James and Russell Friedman. I look forward to this new journey and I give thanks for the many lessons that I will learn along the way.
Life by Deb 